Have you ever felt like you have found your soulmate? i dont wanna believe me and ben are meant to be forever because i dont wanna jinx myself but i am soo in love with him. I could spend everyday with him and never get sick of him. its that amazing:] I know people who have dated longer than me but they have broken up and gotten back together and broken up and gotten back together or have been on breaks, me and been are going on a year and three months and still havent broken up. and we wont. i have faith in us and i ADORE him. People say i spend too much time with him, yeahh well eff you. i love him and i dont get sick of him so therefore duuh im gonna spend time with him:] he's my best friend and boyfriend all in one! My parents dont even understand sometimes. i mean i love them to death but they dont get that i love him. Yeah i know he needs a better job and he needs to get his truck running, he's working on it! It doesnt happen overnight. The damn thing blew up! haha. But yeah i do love him with all my heart. and that will never change. i wanna marry that boy:]



Benjamin baby i love you! It doesnt even feel like its been over a year but every day with you is never boring and every day just keeps getting better<3 July 28th 2006 was the best day of my life!

0 comments

I feel you everywhere I go.
There is so many things i wanted you to know.
Im sorry you left us so soon.
I still remember all the crazy things you used to do.
You died too young without knowing.
But God will help you find the reason.
Im sorry it was your turn to die.
I just want you to know i cried at your showing.
Things are so different now without you.
The things we do now remind us of you.

I never wanted it to end this way.
I miss you every single day.
Every waking day is making me sad.
I just hope wherever you are, you are glad.
I remember the times that you and I used to sing to the radio.
Wed sing real loud and everybody knew.
We didnt care how bad we sounded or who was in the car.
Now i sing to it by myself and its really very hard.

I remember the times that you and I used to fight.
We would fight about the little things that made our nights.
I remember once you told me that i buy the stupidiest things.
Now everytime i think of you, i buy something.
I never knew id say bye so soon.
Every night i look for the moon.
I know you are up there looking down on me.
I guess thats one think i can always count on to make me happy.

I never wanted it to end this way.
I miss you every single day.
Every waking day is making me sad.
I just hope wherever you are, you are glad.
I remember the times that you and I used to sing to the radio.
Wed sing real loud and everybody knew.
We didnt care how bad we sounded or who was in the car.
Now i sing to it by myself and its really very hard.

2 comments

When a good friend dies, most people are in shock. Its the normal thing to be in. When i found out my good friend Hugh died, the one guy who could always make me smile and the one guy who was never sad, i was in shock of course but i also hope hed be happy up in heaven. I cried for days. I felt like it wasnt his time to go. I didnt want to leave him, i didnt even get to say goodbye. This whole experience lead me to believe life isnt gonna be what WE want it to be, its what we get dealt with if that makes sense. God isnt just gonna let us do whatever we want, he has our lives planned out and what is supposed to happen, happens. I saw him the night before he died. He was his normal every day Hugh, awesome as ever. I never thought id have to deal with one of my closest friends dying. EVER. And i hope none of you have to deal with it either. Its been a good three weeks or so since it happened, almost a month on the 15th but you cant help but wonder what hes doing right now. Probably dancing or something, im sure hes found some girls... lol. i loved him soo much! I always talk to him as weird as that sounds. I know hes listening so i guess thats not weird. Im sure hes happy so many people went to his visitation and funeral. He was well known and loved. Im done getting mad at people and im never gonna take advantage of my friends and family. This whole thing changed me. You arent promised tomorrow. You all should know that so here's the deal man, live life to the fullest. Thats what our good friend Hugh would do.

3 comments

Alone:

Im sitting all alone.
Being without you.
I miss our convos on the phone.
You are the only one i can talk to.
Without you im feeling sad.
Im sorry you got mad.
I want us to get together.
I dont care about the others.
You gotta know I love you.
And I'll always be true.




Darkness falls: ((fyi: i dont feel like that anymore))

Darkness is coming.
You are standing there.
I see no light between us.
So i guess this is goodbye.
My eyes slowly shut.
As i dig deep into my skin.
You dont seem to be there.
This life i cannot win.
Darkness falls upon me.
But then i see you.
You gave me the razor.
What else should i do?
First you cut my heart out.
And leave it on the floor.
That was my only reason.
To be here anymore.
I know you liked to see the blood dripping down.
I could tell because you dont want me around.
This is my final goodbye.
I hope you had fun.
I honestly thought you were the one...




Final breath:

The deepest part of my heart says im sorry.
I look around to find you but you left me here.
Im sorry for the way things have to be.
I never meant to be this cold.
Im sorry i couldnt trust you.
Im sorry we had to fight.
Just to let you know i cried last night.
My final breath is near.
I love you and good bye.




For you:

Just know that no matter what ill be there for you.
When the moon stays out and the sun falls down.
Ill be right beside you.
If you need someone to hold you tight.
Ill be the girl to kiss you goodnight.
No matter what you say and do.
Ill be there for you...




I dont care:

I see everyone with someone.
Im left here to be on my own.
Why do I deserve this?
Why are people so cold?
I can apologize all i want.
But it wont do any good.
Because the reason I feel this way is caused by you.
The one guy who was supposed to be there.
Well good bye love i dont even care.



I remember us:

i remember us every day.
The way we kissed.
The way we hung out for hours.
The way we just talked.
I miss you but i must move on.
Im sorry we cant be friends.
I miss you so much.
I wish things would work out.
But moving on is the only thing i can see me doing right now.
Just remember i love you and always will!




I will be there:

Sometimes i wanna die.
I start to cry and i dont know why.
Why did you have to go?
Theres so much you should know.
I wanna be the one who is by your side.
I know you still care.
Do you need some place to hide?
I will be the one who will be there.



I'll miss you:

I still need you.
Just not now.
I wish youd wait for me.
But i cant make you.
So i guess this is goodbye.
That really makes me cry.
Im sorry for everything.
All the happiness i tried to bring.
It sucks when you are gone.
I feel like i cant move on.
But i know what i gotta do.
But ill miss you.
Thanks for being there for me.
Im here always right where youll be.




Im already gone:

I sit and wait for you.
But you never show up.
Sometimes i wonder why i love you so much.
Everyday is a new day.
Maybe i should just run away.
Is there a life for me?
Or could this be the only one i see?
I wish I could look into the future.
And tell whats on your mind.
I could see if your playing me.
Or if you are real this time.
When the hearts card is dealt.
I say no i dont deal with love.
Im gonna miss you.
But i gotta move on.
So bye see you later.
Im already gone...



Love hurts:

No one knows what i feel.
Is this feeling even real?
I wish i could change time.
Then i could make you mine.
I miss you alot.
But sadly i think you forgot.
You think im trying to lead you on.
But no, i dont want you gone.
We hardly talk and thats sad.
You think im cute when im mad.
I wish we could just run away.
I would treasure every day.
Most people dont know this.
But i cant live without your kiss.
I need you to hold me now.
You are the only guy who makes me go "wow!"
So i gotta tell you I miss you.
I just dont know how?




My time to die:

Love is pain.
I dont understand why im stuck in the rain.
The scars in our lives will always be there.
I just wish you truely did care.
I know you dont really care about me.
Theres gotta be more to life than what i can see.
I wish i could just forget you.
Now im dont even know what to do.
Everyday i see you and you act like everythings okay.
What you dont know is im dying day by day.
Im dying slowly but surely and i cant hang on for long.
I need to know that i wasnt the one who was wrong.
Because i cant breathe and the air is slowly getting thicker.
I can feel my body getting weaker.
Knowing you werent the one hurts me inside.
Now its my time to die...





You:

You amaze me.
You played me.
You make me feel alive.
You tear me up inside.
I dont know what to do.
I thought i was in love with you.
But things change.
People do too.
And the world is slowly dying.
Everyday i deal with crying.
I hate to admit it.
But i miss you.
You were the only guy for me.
And now we are history.
Everyday i wonder what if.
But i gotta move on.
I wish you didnt change on me.
You are the only one i see.
Now i gotta deal with a broken heart.
And know we are forever apart.
Well goodbye my love.
Im going to the above.




I love you.

Nothing can explain the way i feel inside.
Knowing you are next to me, i feel so alive.
I know we cant be together.
But i promise i'll love you forever.
Things arent always what they seem to be.
Being with you makes me feel so free.
I love everything about you and everything you do.
God knows i only wanna be with you.
When i felt my life was ending, you were there for me.
I know you only want me to be happy.
People say that i am not in love.
But who is to say what love is and what its not.
Theres just one thing i really need to say.
I love you forever and more each day...





Your with her.

I keep believing that im happy.
But this darkness is coming over me.
I know im not happy without you.
I need you here but what can i do?
You are out with that whore.
I was the one who showed you the door.
This is all my fault and this is what i get.
Im sick of the lies and everything i have regret.
We will never be together again.
I told myself that a while ago.
But i guess i was stupid and now i want you here.
But who cares because you are with her.





Dead

One day youll be sorry for what you did.
For all the times you broke my heart.
For all the times you made me cry.
For all the times i hurt myself.
For all the times ive wanted to die.
You say you care about me.
But words are only words, cant you see?
You dont care about the way i survived.
You wouldnt care if i was dead or alive.
Things are different now with us you know.
Now all you care about is your stupid hoe.
I used to believe there was a future for you and me.
But now i know ill never be happy.
So heres your chance, take this gun and point it at my head.
Isnt this what you wanted? me fucking dead.






I feel alone. ((fyi: i dont really feel like that anymore))

Im so alone in this world.
Life hates me but im used to it.
I dont care about anyone anymore.
I hope i die tonight.
So i take this knife.
This knife symbolizes im gonna die tonight.
Suicide isnt the answer but it is right now.
I know life can throw you curves.
I guess i wasnt strong enough for this world.
Im giving up on everything and everyone.
Im leaving this world tonight...





I need you.

Its so hard to find someone who is perfect.
Thats what I saw in you.
Its so hard to find the one.
Thats what i saw in you.
I loved you and i still do.
I need you here in my life.
Sure we are just friends.
Dont get me wrong, i like being friends.
But we both know we want more.
The memories kill me.
I need you in my life.
I miss when i could call you mine.
I need you like the air i breathe...



Big Blue Eyes.

Look into my big blue eyes.
You will see past my disguise.
My hurt is more than anyone could want.
Ive lost something everyone has won.
Love is one big lie.
I will only forget you the day that I die...





Be my Valentine.

Please be my valentine?
Ill ask you one more time.
Please be my valentine?
I will love you one more time.
So yesterday i thought of you.
Everything we used to do.
Me and you were so in love.
What went wrong?
So now we see each other every day.
Only difference is we arent okay.
We dont even act like we get along.
Look im sorry for ever being like that.
But you gotta cut me some slack.
I still love you, you know that.
I wanna be with you but you dont want me back.
Please be my valentine?
Ill ask you one more time.
Please be my valentine?
I will love you one more time.




Happy.

I feel so alone without you.
You just dont know what im going through.
I wish upon a star every night.
I wish i could have one more time to make it all alright.
I wish you and me could possibly be.
Meant to be.
I know you and I have gone through so much in life.
But everyone knows that true love prevails.
I know one day you and me will possibly be happy.
I miss you and i love you.
And i hope you are thinking of me too.
I wanna be with you tonight.
Is that alright?
Maybe in the future we can get together for all time.
You know me and i know you, you dont even have to spend a dime.
Because love has no cost.
And everyone knows without you im lost.
So please come with me.
So we can can be happy <33





Strong (My favorite)

now that im finally realizing you are gone.
This suspense is killing me, i used to be so strong.
Now you have gone away and left me here to stay.
So i sit here crying, getting in peoples way.
You said you loved me, boy you dont understand.
When you said those three words, to me you were my man.
I know you are scared of being with one.
All you wanna do is live it up and have fun.
Dear you should have told me that before you got me hooked.
Your direction i would have never looked.
I hate to say this but to me you are fake.
You are just another guy who i fell for by mistake.





One night stands (without you)

Night after night, i sit alone.
Thinking about calling you on the phone.
This fight isnt right.
I dont wanna fall asleep tonight.
Without you.
These one night stands arent for me.
Night after night, trying to keep busy.
I miss you so i thought id replace you.
But i know i cant do that even if i tried.
Am i stupid for telling everyone you were wrong?
Because we both know this is all my fault.
I dont wanna be here without you.
All i can say is without you.
I shouldnt be here too





Love.

Im always here, I swear.
Dont leave me now.
I know you are having a hard time.
But if you just listen to me, youll be just fine.
I love you for you and who you are.







Away from me

I fell asleep with the music on.
The song reminded me of you.
I dont know why we fell apart.
And i dont know why you had to break my heart.
But i dont regret anything at all.
But now all i do is fall.
I miss you and i need you.
Im sooo into you.
I wanna be there for you when the world hates you.
But i know you are gone away from me.
All i wanted was you to be happy.






Everythings gonna be alright.

I dont feel you anymore.
I dont even know your name.
Youve changed for the worst.
Im sick of this game.
Im leaving tomorrow.
Without all this sorrow.
Im leaving for a while.
Im leaving this town tonight.
Im scared to give up this fight.
But i know i have to go.
I know i have to leave.
Im leaving without you.
And im gonna be happy.
Because i dont even know you anymore.
I cant even face you thats for sure.
Im leaving tonight.
And everythings gonna be alright.






You arent there

So life was going good.
Til you came into my life.
I love you so much.
But i cant have you.
Why must life be so hard?

2 comments

he was her world.

She sits by herself by the boardwalk.
Her heart torn into two with every tear drop.
She wishes she knew everything he was gonna do.
He broke her heart ina second.
She didnt even know it was coming.
Now she doesnt know where life is gonna go.
She needs him.
She wants him.
She will never forget him...

Because he was her world.
she didnt know anything before him.
It was a dark stormy night.
And he left her all alone again.
He needs her and she doesnt know.
He always thinks of her.
And how he broke her heart.
He looks up at the stars.
And hopes shes happy no matter what.

Two months later, she walks down the street.
Singing and laughing and dancing to the beat.
Shes in love with someone new.
And now shes falling for him just like she did before.
She doesnt know shes setting herself up to get hurt.
But she doesnt care.
He doesnt know shes there.
Its just a simple little crush.
All she has to do is talk to him.
But she isnt quite sure.
See she still has feelings for him.
No matter what, shed love him all over again.

Because he was her world.
she didnt know anything before him.
It was a dark stormy night.
And he left her all alone again.
He needs her and she doesnt know.
Every now and then he thinks of her.
And how he broke her heart.
He looks up at the stars.
And hopes shes happy no matter what.

Two years later she works as a waiter.
He came in on his break and noticed her.
They got talking.
And now they are walking.
But she knows not to fall in love.
She isnt gonna let her heart go back in.
She knows all it takes is his smile for that to begin.
So she tells him shes through and not going back.
She said she finally had her life on track.
Without him...

Because he was her world.
she didnt know anything before him.
It was a dark stormy night.
And he left her all alone again.
He needs her and she doesnt know.
Every now and then he thinks of her.
And how he broke her heart.
He looks up at the stars.
And hopes shes happy no matter what.
*********************************************


Feeling

I fell asleep.
I thought I woke up in your arms.
But it was just my blankets.
A tear fell down my cheek.
As I stood there wide awake.
I give up on you and everything you do.
I know you dont care.
I wish i had you for life but i know i dont.
So Im leaving somewhere.

I knew you would leave me like this.
I had a feeling you would go away.
I had this feeling we would not care anymore.
Do you even get what im trying to say?
I dont care about you.
But if thats true, why wont this feeling fade away?

So i care more than anyone could ever care.
I know you dont understand what to do.
You cant change my mind.
Im leaving this time.
Im leaving this all behind.
Im taking the next flight out.
I know I gotta do this.
I know i gotta get away from here.

I knew you would leave me like this.
I had a feeling you would go away.
I had this feeling we would not care anymore.
Do you even get what im trying to say?
I dont care about you.
But if thats true, why wont this feeling fade away?

I used to feel like i couldnt make it on my own.
I tried to get over you but this feeling left me cold.
I see you everyday but it doesnt matter anymore.
Because i dont wanna be with you.
You cant treat a girl bad and expect her to stay.
I was dumb for a while but then i learned i could have better days.
Now that im without you, im better off all the way.
Because now im better off every day.

I knew you would leave me like this.
I had a feeling you would go away.
I had this feeling we would not care anymore.
Do you even get what im trying to say?
I dont care about you.
But if thats true, why wont this feeling fade away?
****************************************************



Lullaby

You are my lullaby.
You are my lullaby.

So i saw you again two weeks ago.
I just thought you should know.
I love you and i miss you.
I cant stop thinking about you too.
The memories are eating up inside of me.
Its almost like i wanna die peacefully.
But i know that we cant ever be together.
I hate this dark and stormy weather.

Because you are my lullaby.
You sing me to sleep.
Especially when im feeling weak.
You are my lullaby.
I love you and i miss you.
I cant get enough of you.
My lullaby.

So we met up at the movies like we used to do.
I know this sounds crazy but i really love you.
I dont know if i can sleep tonight.
I keep thinking and dreaming of you, this isnt right.
We went our separate ways a few months ago.
Met up again and sang to the radio.
Those awesome slow songs we used to really like.
Well i liked them more you just pretended to mind.

Because you are my lullaby.
You sing me to sleep.
Especially when im feeling weak.
You are my lullaby.
I love you and i miss you.
I cant get enough of you.
My lullaby.

I guess i kinda really need you.
I wanna tell you everything i feel.
I wanna be near you everyday and every night.
You are the greatest thing alive.
You make me laugh when i am down.
You always know how to get rid of my frown.
I guess i love you and miss you.
My lullaby.


Because you are my lullaby.
You sing me to sleep.
Especially when im feeling weak.
You are my lullaby.
I love you and i miss you.
I cant get enough of you.
My sweet lullaby.

1 comments

One of my best guy friends died last year (January 15th 2006)

note: drinking and driving does kill. i wont lecture you but ive learned from this tragedy and please dont do it. its not worth it. you can always call a friend or a cab or someone. please dont be dumb...=[


RIP hughy! I will never have someone to sing in the back seat with it the same way as you did with me. i love you. you werent supposed to leave us yet. you were too young. only the GOOD die young <33

2 comments

Ive been getting into trouble!

i backed my car into my friends garage... might have to pay for that...=[

good news... me and ben are doing good! our one month is the 28th!!!

peace out!



Melly <33

2 comments

hey everyone.

Im new here. just saying hi and thanks for looking at my site! well take care everyone!




Melly <33


Oh and the girl with me in my pictures is mainly my cousin Chells. She lives a state away and i hardly ever get to see her and she visited for like two weeks so we def took pictures haha. shes awesome=]

3 comments