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mhm_right_there's Blog

what I want.
August 26th, 2006 at 4:32 AM
hurt., breaking benjamin.

Have you ever been in love? Have you ever been hurt so bad by him or her that you felt as though you may never fully recover? I have. I felt as though my heart was being ripped out of me, and I would no longer be able to breath without him. It's a horrible thing, giving someone your all and having every last little bit of faith, trust, loyalty, and love pulled out from under your feet. It hurt so bad I never thought I would be the same person. But I've learned; this is love. Its what its about. You're always going to be hurt. You're always going to cry. You will always be in love, or at least think you are. And you will always move on. Unless you happen to find that person. The one that's right for you. The one that some may call your soulmate. I know I found him. I know that I am in love with him. The first time we met we were both in relationships. Nothing became, and eventually we stoped talking. Quite a while passed and we somehow managed to start talking again. We became close friends, and I knew as soon as we actually became friends that I wanted more. I knew I was falling for him. And he knew I was. And I think he was too. I was falling in love with someone that was just as hurt, and scared of real relationships as I was. Eventually we just came out and said it. I told him I was in love with him. And he felt the same. I gave up drinking. I gave up partying. I hardly ever hang out with my friends. And none of it bothers me. Because I am so totally in love with him. Sometimes, if not most of the time, though, I feel like its not enough. I feel like he doesn't realize how much I care about him. And its a horrible feeling. I feel as though I'm not doing my job in the relationship. On the other hand though, I feel like sometimes he takes it for granted. But I still love him. No matter what. I'm worried that because of the stupid mistakes I make in our relationship, he will call the whole thing off. And I'm scared. Terrified really. That I'm messing up this thing that I want so bad.

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