The price of right.

August 21st, 2008 at 12:51 PM

So I've always had this thing of looking out for others you know? That's the kind of world idealistically I'd like to live in. Folks not having to watch their back against others all the damned time, rather be comfortable someone HAS their back.

And with that mindframe I kinda welcome in everyone, underdogs included. Recurring trouble spot though. See, I want to HELP not hurt you know? And sometimes when you're out on the fringe and society doesn't accept you for whatever reason? This sounds horrible and I feel bad saying it, but when someone finally shows you some attention and legitimate concern... well. Sometimes you develop feelings and attachments. Not really because that person is special or a good match, just because someone noticed you and cared for once.

So fucking many times now I've gone to help people. Turrets Syndrome, Morbidly obese, Mild autism, people trying to resolve the issue of their homosexuality or various deformities etc. and I really am trying my best to help them....

and then suddenly they have a crush on me and I end up hurting them. The worst part is, because they have what society views as a flaw? They immediately fixate on that as reason for rejection. The girl with Turrets? I didn't mind the outbursts at all. Obvious by the fact I hung around with her in public, 0 embarrassment. She was a wonderful person and cute as a button. If I wanted a relationship I would DEFINITELY have dated her and not cared about the condition in the least. But the fact of the matter is, I haven't gone for a romantic relationship with anyone including more 'average' people for 15 years due to personal reasons. In fact I generally dislike average people. Hard to get that through sometimes.

It frustrates the living fuck out of me. More times than I can count I tried so fucking hard to elevate people, get them to see the value in themselves, and then I turn around and accidently bitch slap them when they get romantically caught up in me and I completely fucking undermine my own efforts. I end up hurting them through rejection. Then I end up hating myself and being pissed with myself for something which really isn't my fault to begin with. Not like I led any of them on in the least or flirted.

Just want to do the right thing and I don't like hurting good people. This has to have happened with some of you before.

August 21st, 2008 at 12:54 PM

Having a gf with turrets would be amazing, I would have so much fun with it!

Movie nights at the theatre 4 times a week!

No Info

August 21st, 2008 at 12:58 PM

You'd be lucky to have that girl Johnson. Outside of a few tics or the odd verbal outbursts, she is extremely intelligent, very pretty, and probably one of the nicest people you would hope to meet. It's a superficial, intolerant jackass society that makes someone as cool as that an outcast.

I can do a lot of things, but I can't make society intelligent.

August 21st, 2008 at 12:59 PM

I've helped people a lot, but none have developed feelings for me as far as I know. Mainly because it's me being nice and chilling with the autistic kids at school who no one else is nice to, and actually listening to their problems and standing up for them and what not. Thing is, they've all been girls, so they've definitely gotten WAY attached to me, like following me around, just not romantically, so I've never had the problem of having to reject them. Thank God, because I am HORRIBLE at rejecting people. I'd so rather be rejected.

August 21st, 2008 at 1:03 PM

Very cool hon. You sound like me when I was in High School. I love kids with Downs syndrome. Like kids that never get old. So fucking affectionate too, lol. Get excited about the simplest things.

August 21st, 2008 at 1:06 PM

I think, when they do become romantically attached you should make more of an effort to spend time with them. Just to make sure you show em that even though you arent romantically interested it isnt because of any of their "flaws". Apparentlty they need more time to see that the inner Dan just isnt looking for that.

August 21st, 2008 at 1:17 PM

I try man, I really do. And I get scared that if I spend too much time with them it will only deepen those feelings. Or shit, maybe they will come to recognize what everyone else does- what a jackass I am then they can realize that flaws or no, they are probably too good for me.

In all seriousness though I get terrified of hurting. Path to hell really is paved with good intentions.

August 21st, 2008 at 1:27 PM

Well yea, but by playing it safe and being scared to hurt, you hurt inadvertantly. At least with what I said you try and show that there is a relationship within just being friends.